#49: Tebow Time

Alright, I get that a lot of people are bashing Tim Tebow these days. Some can't stand that he's openly Christian. I have no problems with that. In fact, I think it's refreshing. Some bash Tebow because he's a running back disguised as a quarterback in the professional football league. Or perhaps it's because he doesn't even throw enough passes to be considered a quarterback on espn.com's passing stats. Those are all reasons enough to make fun of his ability (or lack thereof) as a starting QB in the NFL.

But this post isn't about him. It's not about his religion. It's not even about his lack of skills. It's about his ridiculous, cult-like following of fans. Seriously...you guys need to take a step back and realize that you've gone too far.

Denver Broncos fans are perhaps some of the most annoying in the NFL. "In-Com-Plete." Has there ever been a more obnoxious chant? And you'd think they'd stop saying it, now that they have a QB with the accuracy of an 8-year old. But what I don't get is this whole phenomena trying to make Tebow something he's not.

(Ummm...you DO know that he's not Jesus, right?) In fact, he's not even the first player to praise God after a win or a touchdown. He's not the first player to pray before, during or after a game. There have been hundreds. Literally hundreds. So why, all of the sudden, do Christians act like Tebow is the first believer to put on a football helmet? I mean, come on...they don't even call it "praying" anymore. They call it "Tebowing?"

Seriously? Did prayer really need another synonym?

Let's be honest: Tim Tebow seems like a decent fella. He's a good running back. I have no idea how he got a job as a quarterback in the NFL but he did. And his team is winning games. (Did you catch that? HIS TEAM is winning games. Last I checked, Tebow wasn't the only one on the field.) But his team also plays in the worst division of all football. It's not like they've gone head to head with the Steelers, Giants, Packers or anyone else of substance. So let's try to keep things in perspective please?

I'm fairly certain that, if the field was made of water, Tebow wouldn't be able to walk on it.

#48: American Airlines

Yeah, I know...shocker...an airline that sucks. But hear me out on this one. This post is not about the ridiculous baggage prices. It's not about the high prices of tickets. It's not even about the "class system" that American and other airlines promote. (Don't get me started.)

No, this post is about American's inability to service customers who fly internationally. You see, American--like other airlines--subcontracts to other carriers when you fly abroad. For example, I just flew to Brazil for work. My itinerary had me flying on American Airlines from Colorado Springs to Dallas (DFW). Then, from DFW to Sao Paulo Brazil on American. But in Sao Paulo, I had to jump over to another airline, GOL Airlines, for the last leg of my trip to Recife, Brazil. That's where the trouble begins.

My luggage wasn't in Sao Paulo when I arrived. So I couldn't carry it through Immigration. I boarded my final flight on GOL Airlines to Recife hoping my bag would make the last leg of the trip with me. No such luck. I contacted GOL at the Recife airport and they told me that I needed to talk to American, since my bag was on an American chartered flight. American said I needed to take it up with GOL. Neither airline would allow me to file a missing bag report, because they both said the other airline was responsible.

Here's the kicker: Both airlines admitted that my bag was in Sao Paulo--just a 2 and a half hour flight away from my hotel. But neither would put the bag on a plane because they didn't want to take responsibility. So, FOR SEVEN DAYS, I went without my luggage as the two airlines blamed each other. SEVEN DAYS in the Brazilian heat and humidity without clean underwear, socks, toiletries, a change of shirts, pants...nothing. (Well, after day two I went shopping and bought enough to get me through the rest of the week. $150 bucks for a pair of pants, a shirt, underwear, socks and toiletries.) At one point, a "supervisor" at American Airlines Baggage Service, Cathy Fuller, told me to "stop calling" because "we can't do anything for you."

I kid you not, my bag showed up ONE HOUR before I checked out of the hotel to return home.

Let's be honest: Airlines lose luggage all the time. Oftentimes it's recovered in a fairly timely manner. But American doesn't know how to communicate with the airlines that they themselves subcontract to. I am not a GOL Airlines customer. I'm an American Airlines customer. I booked through them. I contracted through them to get me and my luggage to Recife. How they do it is up to them. But for them to say they can't be held responsible for something their subcontractor does, that's ridiculous. For the two airlines to be unwilling to talk to each other, inane. And for American to not do the right thing and just put my bag on the 2 and a half hour flight, is unconscionable.

American Airlines: You Suck.

#47: The iPhone

Yep, you read it right. The iPhone sucks.

But please allow me to qualify my statement. The iPhone is a brilliant piece of technology--allowing users the ability to surf the web, find restaurants, play games, watch movies, listen to music--all sorts of things. It is, in my opinion, the most incredible technological device to be invented in the past decade.

But...(and yes, there's always a but)

Unfortunately, the iPhone tries to be a cell phone too. And THAT'S where it sucks. The sound quality is seriously poor. Cell phones 8 years ago had better sound quality in the earpiece. But here's where the iPhone really bites: the coverage that comes with AT&T is horrendous. My drive to work is 14 miles. That's it, 14 miles. There are THREE DROP ZONES between my house and my office. THREE!

3G. Ha! More like 2C. As in 2 Cans with string would work better.

Verizon, in their brilliance, realized this and created a very smart ad campaign, comparing their coverage map with AT&T's. They are night and day:

Their best commercial is this one, "The Island of Misfit Toys."

AT&T, in their pathetic attempt to counter, hired actor Luke Wilson (who?) and strung together a few flimsy arguments as to why AT&T is better. Listen to these lame arguments that AT&T gives:

• We have the most popular phones. (No, you have the most popular handheld computer. And seriously? That's your argument? "Ours is more popular!" Puhleez.)
• We have the world's fastest 3G network. (Yes, it's quick. And it's also quick to drop calls.)
• You can surf the web and talk on the phone at the same time. (What good is that if the call keeps dropping?)

Winner: Verizon.

Let's be honest: If the iPhone had only aspired to be the greatest handheld computer, it wins hands-down. But unfortunately, iPhone tried to be a cell phone too. And there are just too many better cell phones out there. And there's definitely better service providers than AT&T. AT&T sucks, and because of that:

iPhone: You Suck

#46: AutoTune

At first it was cute. Then, overnight, everyone was doing it. That ridiculous auto tune effect on hip hop and pop vocals that makes the singer sound like a cross between Alvin the Chipmunk and Mr. Roboto.

This is yet another example why the music industry is killing itself. It's bad enough that every song from our latest pop tart offerings sounds (and looks) the same, but now their vocals all sound the same too. You've gone too far, music industry. You took what could have been a unique sound and buried us in it. Now, it's impossible to turn on the radio without hearing this crap.

And I don't understand why any artist would do it anyway. It completely takes away an artists' identity. Is that Jamie Foxx? Or Kanye? Or Lil' Wayne? Is that Cher or Hannah Montanah? Who the hell knows anymore? It's ridiculous. I love how Jimmy Fallon made fun of auto-tune on the Emmy's:


Let's be honest: There used to be a day when singers...oh, I don't know...sang! With the saturation of auto-tune I can't tell if he/she can sing or not. And what's worse, consumers are buying this crap. There also used to be a day when music consumers actually cared about the talent of the artist. But nowadays, it seems music buyers download whatever the radio has to offer, without question. And what they're offering...is crap. I can only hope that this fad will die a quick and painful death so we can start hearing singers sing once again.

Auto-tune: You Suck!

#45: No WiFi

Someone help me, please. This is 2009 right? As in the 21st Century, correct? So why...tell me why...is it that there are so many frickin' businesses that don't offer wifi?
Hell, every restaurant, airport, coffee house and retail outlet should have wifi these days. No, screw that. Entire cities should offer free wifi for travelers roaming through town. If I'm visiting Denver and I don't know the area, it sure would be nice to be able to look up online, while I'm in the car, to see where the nearest movie theatre or chain restaurant is.

I don't have a cell phone that gets internet service everywhere I go. I'd like to, but I just don't. I do have an iPod Touch though. And I love it. Except I have to find a wireless service/signal everytime I go somewhere. I'm amazed at the lack of places that offer it.

And you know what else. The frickin' internet should be free, for crying out loud. Why the hell is it that the Colorado Springs, Colorado airport offers free internet service, but 45 miles to the north, the only way to get it at Denver International Airport is to pay $8 for a day pass or subscribe to a monthly service through Boingo or something like that? That's ridiculous. The internet should be free. And quite honestly, I'm surprised more retailers and business owners don't push for the internet to be free. It's in their best interest. Online shopping is growing by leaps and bounds. I wonder how much more it would grow if we could get access anywhere at anytime.

Let's be honest: I don't blame people for making a buck by providing online service. But their time has come...and gone. It's time for the internet to be free. And it's time for your local coffee shop, airport, bookstore, restaurant, etc. to offer it in their establishments.

No WiFi: You Suck.

#44: Plastic Surgery

When will this fad end? Is there anything more hideous than these women (and some men too) who just don't know when to quit with the plastic surgery? Seriously?

Joan Rivers does not even look human anymore. Enough already! If she has one more facelift, she's going to have a goatee! (Think about it.)

Remember the Tim Burton Batman movie with Jack Nicholson as the joker? Tell me that Joan doesn't look like the one freakish blonde that the Joker created in that movie. Joan, it's bad enough that you're annoying as hell--but you can't afford to be hideous too.

And what's worse, her daughter, Melissa Rivers--who was so cute--seriously, she was an absolute cutie when she was young--has now followed in her mother's footsteps and destroyed her face.

What is Hollywood's obsession with this crap? It's bad enough that we have to watch these aging stars do ungodly things to their bodies and faces, but now there are even television shows that are all about plastic surgery. Dr. 90210 and Nip and Tuck are hugely successful shows. Personally, I think it's because the rest of us (you know, the ones with wrinkles and...more than one facial expression) love to watch beautiful people or famous people suffer. Ha!

I just don't understand the desire to have that crap put into your lips...the eyes stretched beyond belief and chins and noses done. And apparently it's addictive because these people don't know when to stop!

Let's be honest: We all age. Some of us not as gracefully as others. I hate the way my face is moving south for the winter of my life. I hate the "spare tire" that I've gained from eating unhealthily all these years. But it's part of life! You get older! And going under the knife is not fooling anyone. You don't look younger, you just look...freakish. Inhuman. And for crying out loud, know when to say "when."

Plastic Surgery: You Suck.

#42: Lip-Syncing

Okay, I'm old enough to remember what a scandal it was when Milli Vanilli tried to pull off the lip-sync scam. They became a laughing stock. It ruined their (pseudo) careers.

Girl, you know it's true.

So tell me why has it now become acceptable--if not "fashionable" to lip synch? So many pop artists are blatantly syncing to their songs when "performing live." And hardly a shoulder is shrugged.

Jennifer Hudson's powerful rendition of the Star Spangled Banner at the SuperBowl...lip-sync. Rather than calling it a controversy, some "journalists" dared call it a "non-troversy." "People expect it these days", they say. WHAT???

EVEN SPRINGSTEEN'S BAND faked it at the SuperBowl. (Although he apparently really sang--but the band wasn't really playing.)

Go see Britney Spears' live...it's anything BUT live. In fact, reports say that her entire performance for her new Circus Tour is lip-synced. (But then again, when you start off with no talent, lip-syncing is a logical progression.)

Good grief...even 50 Cent got caught lip syncing.

What the...?

Does expecting someone to sing live in a concert make me a old fuddy duddy?

Let's be honest: I know fans expect amazing shows from artists these days. And they should--considering what ticket prices run. And I know that it's tough to run all over stage and dance and sing at the same time. I do. But I'd rather you didn't have 8 costume changes and grind your hips on every dancer on stage, if you could just sing the song!

But that's the problem. So many arists CAN'T sing the songs. In the studio, they autotune their vocal tracks til they hardly sound human anymore. And when it comes time to perform live, there's no way they can recreate it.

It's time we got back to artists performing live...really live. I don't care if you miss a note or two, I really don't. Just sing. And if you can't sing, then stop touting yourself as a vocalist. Go be a dancer or something. Seriously.

Lip Syning: You Suck!