#41: The Dallas Cowboys

First, let me say that I have been a Cowboys fan since 1975. I was just a kid then, but I knew I liked the Cowboys. (Of course, growing up in Texas didn't hurt.)

But being a Cowboys fan is like being a glutton for disappointment. How many years have we said, "Next year..." How many years have we watched our team NOT SHOW UP for the big games? How many years do we have to watch a lukewarm quarterback? I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of Tony Romo. He's awful. He's a collapser. As in he crumbles when the going gets tough. That's not a quarterback, that's a cheerleader. Put a skirt on Tony. You don't deserve to be under center. You're the new Danny White. Start flashy--fizzle out. All hype--no game. Tony Romo: You Suck

I'm sick of our powder puff head coach Wade Phillips. He took the most talented group of athletes ever assembled on a roster and turned them into mediocre players. It's the coach's job to get the players ready for each opponent. You failed...miserably. Wade Phillips: You Suck

I'm sick of an offensive line that can't block. Seriously? You guys are huge? And people are still running over you like 8th graders. Offensive Line: You Suck

I'm ESPECIALLY SICK of Jason Garrett--the most predictable and uncreative play caller in all of football. How in the hell did you land this job? Hey dumbass, on 3rd ad 6 why are you calling -2 yard pass plays? Get the ball to the first down marker, for crying out loud! Good grief, I hope the Lions do take you as head coach. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. Buh-bye. Jason Garrett: You Suck

The defensive secondary just can't seem to stop the deep pass. Every team we played knew this. And the smart ones lit us up on deep passes all season long. Newsflash secondary: YOU CAN'T PLAY ZONE. YOU'RE NO GOOD AT IT. QUIT TRYING. Defensive secondary: You Suck.

Notice I didn't single out TO. While some of his antics this year were a bit bothersome, overall I think he's good for the team. In fact, he's one of the few true competitors on this team of candy asses. So no TO--you don't suck. Neither does Jason Witten. What a tough guy. And Tashard Choice--I look forward to what you do next year along with our barbarian running back, Marion.

Thanks Dallas Cowboys. You made me hate the game again. You once again convinced me to believe--then you, yourselves didn't even believe in yourselves enough to show up.

Dallas Cowboys: You Suck.

#37: Tony Kornheiser

Up until now, I've not singled out any one person whom I think sucks. But today, one man seriously deserves the honor.

Tony Kornheiser, the "I don't know jack about football but I still get to be an announcer for Monday Night Football" guy on ESPN. When he's not offending hispanics, or trying desperately to earn brownie points by taking the obvious jabs against unpopular players, he's just trying too darn hard to be funny. And...he's not. Seriously not.

Kornheiser is just another in a list of failed attempts to bring humor to football. NBC tried to make Dennis Miller work on Monday Nights...and that was atrocious. Don't get me wrong, I love Dennis Miller's comedy. But I don't watch football so I can hear high-brow jokes with 5 syllable words while I'm drinking beer and eating hot wings. Miller and football...just didn't work.

At least Miller is funny. Kornheiser, on the other hand, is not. Far too often, he goes for the low-road...the obvious punchline. I'm told he's a well respected columnist. I don't know. I've never read his stuff. But judging from his horrible on-camera presence, his lack of off-the-cuff wit and his obvious and painful lack of knowledge of football, my guess is that being a newspaper columnist is probably where he belongs.

Let's be honest: I don't know a single football fan who ever said, "You know what's missing during the football game? Comedy." And there's a reason for that. Serious football fans take their games VERY seriously. Trust me on that one. I'm a Cowboys fan. When they lose, it affects my life. I'm not joking about that. I can get physically ill during a game. I don't want some schmuck rapping off one-liners to make me laugh. If I had a nickel for everytime I yelled "Shut up, Kornheiser!" during a game, I'd be a rich man. C'mon, ESPN...do us all a favor. Get rid of Kornheiser and let's focus on football.

Tony Kornheiser: You Suck.