#40: Pet Hair

"Let's get a puppy!"

Awww...little puppy breath...little puppy kisses. A playful little pup that wants to sit in your lap and take naps with you. Awwwww...

Whatever.

Yeah, it's cute til little puppy grows up. And starts shedding. And shedding. And shedding. And then decides to destroy your remote controls, eat furniture and shred your sofa. But I digress.

I hate pet hair. It's on my furniture. It clogs up the vacuum cleaner...but somehow still manages to cling to the carpet. It's on my clothes. I have to keep a lint roller in my desk at work...one in my car...and two or three in the house.

Pet hair is magical. And not in a good way. I'm serious. I opened a can of tuna the other day. I swear one of my dog's hairs was already in there! It's frickin' everywhere! Yech!

Let's be honest: Pets can be wonderful. They can be great companions...and bring much joy. But, as is with most good things, there's always a downside. And this downside permeates, clings, coats and sticks to everything. Now, if you could package pet hair and sell it, that would be nice. I'd be frickin' rich! Too bad that hairless dogs look way too freaky.

Screw it. I'm gettin' a goldfish.

Pet Hair: You Suck!

#17: Being Ugly

I'll admit it. I'm ugly. Not hideous or anything.
Terribly plain perhaps. If I were a dog, my master would
shave my butt and make me walk backwards. (Okay, it's an old adage, but you get the picture.)

It's taken a lot of time, but I'm learning to come to grips with being ugly. It's not easy...especially in a world that treats pretty people so differently. And I have a problem with that. I mean, it's not like they did anything to be beautiful. Either you're born with it...or you're not. Sure, you can get your teeth straightened and whitened...you can get $400 haircuts that "accentuate your features", wear designer fashions, but all of that is worthless if you've got nothing to work with. And don't tell me that plastic surgery can make you beautiful. It can't. Perhaps it can improve on some things, but man is not capable of making an ugly woman beautiful with nothing more than a knife, a laser or some injections.

And let me add, I almost NEVER use the word "beautiful" to describe a person's looks anyway. Simply because I think someone has to be pretty remarkable to be considered "beautiful." Probably less than one half of 1% of the world is "beautiful"...in my humble opinion.

So why then do we treat the beautiful people so differently? If 99.5% of us are not beautiful, why don't we consider the "beautiful people" the oddballs? I say, "Ugly people unite!" It's time we took control of the magazine covers, TV shows and billboards! It's time ugly became the new "beautiful!" Ha!

Let's be honest: Yeah, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It used to be that the standard for beauty was different, depending on where you are in the world. But more and more, the world has adopted the "western" idea of beauty. If you're beautiful in Sri Lanka, you're beautiful in Iowa, etc. But it's silly that we, as a culture, give privileges to the beautiful that the vast majority of the world doesn't have access to. And it's a shame that we ugly people are denied certain privileges, even courtesies, just because we've got "bad genes." C'mon. How shallow is that?

Being ugly: You Suck.