#20: Gas Pump Interrogations

It's bad enough that I have to pay an ungodly amount for a gallon of gas these days, but do I really have to be interrogated too?

Here's what I'm talking about:

I'm on my way to a meeting the other day, when I notice that my gas gauge is reading below "E." In a Jeep Wrangler, that means "get gas now!" I don't want to be late for my meeting, but I have to stop. So I pull into the gas station, hop out and quickly insert my card into the designated slot. I pull it out quickly because the digital display screen tells me I'm supposed to. What? If I leave it in there longer, what happens?

You'd think now, at this point, I could just lift the nozzle and put gas into my car. Oh no! Now I have to now answer a series of questions:

QUESTION #1: Credit or debit? What? We still don't have computers that can tell the difference? Seriously. Isn't there something in the code for the card that tells the machine whether it's a debit or credit card? Mine is a debit card, but I push "credit" anyway, just to confuse the genius computer.

QUESTION #2: What is your zip code? What the hell do you care? So you can tell investors that people are traveling 20 miles just to buy your gas? Well guess what? I'm buying your gas because it happens to be the closest station to where I'm at when I need gas. Why the hell would I travel farther, burning up gas, just to buy more? You don't need to know where I live, for crying out loud! Reluctantly, I enter my zip code.

QUESTION #3: Would you like a car wash today? How about this, wise-ass...how about if I want a car wash...I'LL TELL YOU! Can I just have some gas already? I press "no." But now there's a little more pressure on the button because I'm just about pissed. All I want is some frickin' gas!

QUESTION #4: Would you like a receipt? Aaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! Would you like a swift kick in the...?" Yeah, I'm yelling at a machine at this point. "JUST GIVE ME MY GAS!"

Let's be honest: I understand the importance of market research. But asking me my zip code isn't going to tell you why I'm buying your gas. It's just going to tell you which part of what city I live in. How does that help you at all? And why make the consumer jump through all these hoops. I want to stick my credit card in the slot, lift the nozzle and pour gas. That's it. If I want a car wash, I'll tell you. If I want a receipt, I'll tell you. Quit interrogating me everytime I have to stop and buy gas. It's a painful enough experience now, knowing that I'm paying twice as much as I should, so oil companies can boast record profits. Just let me fill my tank in peace.

Gas Pump Interrogations: You Suck.

#12 Gas Prices

Yeah, yeah, I know. This should've been number one on the list. But first of all, this list is in no particular order. And secondly, putting this at number one would've made this blog look waaaaaaay too predictable.

But yes, gas prices suck. As in more powerful than a Dyson sucks. And what pisses me off most about it, is that someone is getting filthy rich while the rest of us suffer through this "supply shortage." Puhleez. Shell and BP just posted record earnings this past quarter. Yeah, that's right...they made more money than they've ever made in a quarter before, while we suffer through this gas crisis.

Let's be honest: Right now, career politicians are trying to prey on your misunderstanding of how the system works, to get your vote. Right now, Senators Hillary Clinton and John McCain are pushing for a "holiday" on the federal gas tax. Yep, they're telling you that if they can pull it off, they'll get rid of the 18.4 cents per gallon federal tax for the entire summer. Sounds like a great deal huh? And they are trashing on Senator Obama for not supporting it. So, what's the deal? Is Obama an elitist who doesn't care how high gas prices get? Or is it because he knows what you don't know:

1. That the federal gas tax is a tax levied on the oil producers...not the consumers. And there's no gaurantee that the producers will pass the savings on to you. They don't have to. Heck, they're gouging you right now and making record profits. Since when have they shown that they're in this for you?
2. The average consumer would only save $28 during the entire summer, as a result of lifting the tax. That's a little over $9 a month. There's not a lot you can do with $9 these days.
3. Lifting the federal gas tax would hit the Highway Trust Fund to the tune of $8.5 billion. So...we'd get rid of some of that annoying summer road construction. That doesn't sound too bad, right? Except that every billion dollars worth of Highway Trust Fund money supports 33,000 jobs. Multiply that times 8.5. What good is it going to do those 280,500 workers to save $28 on gas this summer, when they don't have a job anyway?

I'm not trying to get political here. I'm not playing favorites. I'm just saying that there are some politicians out there who are going to try to play your worries about gas prices right into their own political gains. Be prepared.

Meanwhile, we're the ones caught in the middle of this mess...and it's killing us. I just filled up my Jeep Wrangler for $48.98. It's getting to where I can barely afford to drive to work anymore. OPEC...sucks. What a bunch of greedy bastards. But we also have to admit that we caused much of this problem by refusing to wean ourselves off this dependence for oil.

And don't even get me started on how our insistence on creating biofuels is creating a hunger crisis in this world. (Maybe that's a topic for a future Things That Suck.)

To try to help ease the pain a bit, here's a list of what others around the world are paying for a gallon of gas (in US dollars.)

• Italy: $5.96
• Norway $6.27
• Ireland $4.78
• Sweden $5.80

Gas Prices...You Suck...on a global basis!