#33: People Who Don't Turn Off Their Cell Phones (When They're Supposed To)

I was at a conference a couple of weeks ago...and EVERY STINKING SESSION was interrupted by someone's obnoxious ringtone. What the...?

Here's one that really bothers me: I don't think I have been to a single church service in the past year that didn't include at least one cell phone ring. For crying out loud, Jesus wants you to turn your phone off!!!!

And probably 3 out of the last 5 movies I've been to have included someone receiving a call during the film. One time, a person flat out answered the phone and started having a conversation with the caller--during the movie! That's beyond rude.

Come on, people! Put your phone on vibrate for crying out loud. Or better yet, turn the darn thing off. You can live for two hours without a phone call. This may come as a shock to many of you, but before cell phones were invented, we all survived for hours at a time without talking or texting on the phone (insert old fart comment here.)

Phones in the movie theatre really piss me off. Ya know, it costs so much to go to a movie these days. Between inflated ticket prices and the ridiculous cost of popcorn, candy and drinks, it's expensive! Add to that the cost of a babysitter (if you need one) and you could easily drop $50 just to go see a movie. Ya know, I don't want to spend $50 to listen to you talk on the phone. I don't want to spend $50 to have the glow of your cell phone interrupting my movie-watching.

Let's be honest: Technology is great. We can communicate with pretty much anyone at anytime. But just because we can, doesn't mean we should. Have a little respect for others. Put your phone on vibrate. Then, if it rings during a church service, movie or conference session, you can walk out quietly and take your call. This isn't rocket science folks...this is common courtesy.

People Who Don't Turn Off Their Cell Phones When You're Supposed To: You Suck!

#27: Annoying Action Movie Sidekicks

Why? Why? Oh Why does Hollywood like to screw up a good action flick? There's one formula that they keep cranking out and I just wish they'd drop it. The annoying sidekick in action flicks. Not every action flick mind you, but many.

For example, the worst sidekick EVER in an action flick, in my opinion, was Kate Capshaw, the chick in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. I understand this was Steven Spielberg's wife. Ugh. What an atrocious actress. And what an absolutely annoying character. I love the Indiana Jones series, but this woman alone makes that movie hard to stomach.

A few other examples:

Jar Jar Binks. That character dumbed down the Star Wars franchise to an almost intolerable level. Meesa tinks da mooovee woulda been so much better without him. And I have to ask why? The Star Wars series has a timeless storyline...great action. And there's plenty of campy comedy relief in R2D2 and C3PO, among others. This was just an example of the movie-makers going too far for a laugh. Yech!

And what about that blonde chick in Under Seige? (Her name is Erika Eleniak. I would've posted a pic of her here, but it's hard to find one with her clothes on.) Granted, Steven Seagal is one of the worst actors ever...but this movie would've actually been pretty decent if it just focused on his character and left hers out. There were some cool explosions...decent fight scenes...and the storyline was actually interesting. Of course, they had to throw in a gratuitous boob shot to justify Eleniak's presence in the film. But it still wasn't enough to make her character likeable.

Let's be honest: There's a reason Hollywood produces formulaic movies. They sell. But not every sidekick is going to contribute to a movie. At some point, a director or producer needs to be able to say, "Let's focus on the action and get rid of the distraction." Imagine Rambo having to stop every once in awhile in the jungle because some chick sidekick broke a nail. Some action flicks don't need the help of a sidekick.

Annoying Action Movie Sidekicks: You Suck.

#22: "Move To The Center" Announcements

So my wife and I decide we really wanna see the new Indiana Jones movie. After all, we've watched the first three a few times now. We're big fans!

We hire a babysitter for Friday night. Buy the tickets early online...and arrive at the theatre an hour early, knowing there's going to be a line. And there was, but our early arrival paid off. We got the exact seats we wanted: On the front row of the middle section, there are three seats that have extra leg room...and a footrest. They're just a few seats left of center. Perfect!

So we're sitting there, watching the silly trivia screens go by over and over again, listening to crappy music of independent artists we've never heard of being piped through the speakers. And the theatre is starting to fill up. Within 30 minutes, the place is pretty packed. And, just 5 minutes left til start time, a crowd of people come in. They're looking around, pointing, making disgusted looks on their faces like "I can't believe our favorite seats are taken!" Then, inevitably, one of them points to the very front row:

"There are seats over there."

"No, I don't wanna sit that close" the other says. So they stare back at the crowd for a few more seconds, scouring for two empty seats next to each other.

Hello! It's a summer blockbuster. Who shows up at 5 minutes til and thinks they're going to get the perfect seats? Then the pimply faced kid who sells popcorn behind the counter comes to the front of the auditorium.

"Excuse me everyone. This is a sold out show. So I'm going to ask you to move to the center of your aisle, to make room for those just coming in."

"What? Hell no! I got here an hourly early so I could choose which seat I want! I'm not moving because Johnny come lately just showed up and wants his aisle seat! Screw that! I'm paying $30 for a babysitter, $18 for two tickets, $12 for popcorn and drinks. For $60, guess what...I get to choose the seat I want!"

Let's be honest: I know there are all kinds of reasons people show up late. Traffic...kids...wife fussing over what to wear...husband forgot the tickets and had to go back in to look for them. But the truth is that if you can't get there early, then you gotta live with the seats that are available.

"Move to the Center" announcements: You Suck.

#6: "Experts"

It seems these days almost anyone can call themselves an expert in something. But how often do we see these so-called experts completely getting it wrong?

Did you know that NASA spent over 125 million dollars on a Mars orbiter program...only to find out that their "experts" did the math wrong and sent the orbiter burning to ashes in the planet's atmosphere? Here's what's rich: Their downfall was that they actually had TWO teams of "experts" working on the orbiter program. But one team used metric units and the other used English units. Oops. There goes 125 million dollars! That's an expensive candle.

And how many times this campaign season have the political "experts" told us exactly how a primary race was going to go? Only to be completely wrong? New Hampshire's primary this year was a good example of that. Polls showed Hillary Clinton was going to get beaten pretty soundly by Barack Obama. It was going to be the impetus for her getting out of the race. Instead, Clinton clearly won New Hampshire and used it as a reason for why she should stay in.

Or how about those movie critics?

"You MUST see this movie!"

"An EXCITING thrill ride!"

So you spend your 8 bucks for tickets, 6 bucks for popcorn and 3 bucks for a soda...only to walk out feeling like you just got mugged. Critics for Norbit told us it was "Hysterically Funny"...yeah, cuz the first three movies with Eddie Murphy in a fat suit just weren't enough for us.

Sometimes, I think critics just like to hear themselves speak. Or maybe they just like toying with people's emotions. In the case of movie reviews, I know there's some sort of "prestige" that comes with having your quote on the movie poster or DVD cover.

Let's be honest: Opinions are like belly buttons. Everybody's got one. Some are shallow. Some are deep. Some are fuzzier than others. But just because you have one, doesn't make you an expert. And it certainly doesn't mean I want to see it. Unless you know what you're talking about, please just keep it to yourself.

So-called "experts": You Suck.