#16: Bad Drivers

As I've said in an earlier post, I rarely like driving. Partly because of road construction, stop lights and speed traps. But mostly it's because there are a lot of idiots out there. Bad drivers suck.

There are all kinds of bad drivers. Here's a list of some of my biggest peeves that people do when they get behind the wheel:

• Drive slow in the fast lane. If another driver has to pass you on the right, you're holding up traffic. Move over already.


• Riding your brakes through a green light..."just in case it turns yellow." Ugh. This pisses me off to no end. But so many people do it. I will never understand it. If the light's green...GO!


• Not paying attention when you're at a stoplight. Listen, if you are the first car in line, it's your responsibility to watch the light. I shouldn't have to honk my horn to tell you that it's green.


• Shaving or putting on your makeup while driving. Seriously? Listen, spend 5 more minutes at home and get your makeup and shaving done. And trust me, the lighting in your car is nowhere as good as it is in your bathroom mirror. When you put your makeup on in your car--it shows. And not in a good way.


• Trying to talk on your cell phone while driving. Most people don't realize this, but the second they pick up their cell phone, their foot goes on the brake. People slow down or even ride their brakes while talking on the phone. Trust me...you can't do it. You're not a good enough driver. Stop trying to talk on the phone.
  
• And even worse, texting and driving. This should be illegal. My wife was just involved in a car wreck last week, when a girl rear-ended her because she was texting and not paying attention to the traffic in front of her.


• Tailgating. (Now, first let me say that if I'm holding you up in the fast lane, then maybe I deserve to be tailgated. But if I'm in the slow lane, minding my own business...get off my ass!) The right lane is for people who want to drive slower. You should know that. You have no right to harass them. But if you're going to tailgate, be prepared to eventually meet someone's bumper. And it is ALWAYS your fault when you rear-end someone.
  
• Riding with your dog (or cat) in your lap. Are you kidding me? What...there aren't enough distractions on the road that you need to worry about whether Fido is going to try to lick you in the face while you're doing 70mph? Get your *&^%$# mutt in the back seat already! Or better yet, leave pets at home.


• Staying in my blind spot. Either pass me...or drop farther back so I can see you in my side mirror. But riding along side my back tire is unsafe for both of us.
  
• Talking and driving. Not everyone is bad at this, but some are. My wife is a good example. She can't talk to you without wanting to use hand gestures and make eye contact. So, the second she starts talking, the foot lets up off the gas. If it's a long sentence, we're coasting!

Let's be honest: We're all bad drivers to some extent. Something you do in the car is likely to annoy the hell out of me. And something I do is surely going to drive you crazy. So, as far as that's concerned, I guess we all suck. But these are some basic things that we can all be better about. Driving can be dangerous. Why add any more tension to it?

Bad Drivers: You Suck.

#5 Cheesy Actors

C'mon...you know who they are. Bet you can name an actor that just oozes cheese everytime he/she is on screen.

Let's start with the obvious. David Hasselhoff. Seriously, that's just too easy. I think his middle name is Limburger. Ha! Wanna know what's funny? I was checking to make sure I spelled Limburger correctly and saw this definition:

A pungent semi-soft surface-ripened cheese.

C'mon! You can't make this stuff up! Think about how each one of those adjectives describe The 'Hoff so perfectly. Pungent: acting stinks. Semi-soft: He's a little muscular, but a little flabby too. Surface-ripened: Does that not refer to the year-round tan? Ha!

Okay, our second Cheesy Actor of the Year Award goes to:

CSI: Miami's David Caruso. Dude...what's with the raspy whisper? Did they not teach you to enunciate and speak up in acting school? Oh, who am I kidding? Did this guy even go to acting school? And what's the obsession with taking off and putting on the sunglasses?

Here's a fun drinking game: watch an episode of CSI:Miami and you have to take a shot everytime Caruso touches his sunglasses. Seriously...you'll be wasted before it's over! The fact that he even posed for this picture proves the level of cheesiness that is David Caruso.

Alright, we need a girl to pick on just to make it fair. Hmmm...let's see. There's just so many! Carmen Electra...yep. Sharon Stone...for sure. Madonna...it's hard to use her name and the word actress in the same sentence. Tara Reid...oh definitely. Lindsay Lohan...yeah, she's up there.

But the Cheesiest Actress of the Year Award is actually a tie! Between one of the prettiest and one of the richest women to ever taint the silver screen:

First, the prettiest. Yeah, Jessica Simpson is beautiful. But is that reason enough to put her on the big screen? (Don't answer that...it was a rhetorical question!) Seriously, it's one thing to put her in a makeup commercial...it's a whole other to ask her to portray a character and deliver lines like she's not an 3rd grader reciting the Pledge of Allegiance.

Now the richest. Paris Hilton. Ugh. Proof positive that, if you've got money, you can buy your way into a movie or television series. Because let's face it, this poor girl doesn't have an ounce of talent in her body. And don't even bother asking me how long it took to find a photo of her online that was appropriate to post here. Geez! Personally, I don't even find her remotely attractive either. The word "skanky" does come to mind though.

Let's be honest: Acting isn't easy. But the good ones make it look easy. And there are enough good ones out there that we shouldn't have to shell out 8 bucks to see these lifeless, charisma-less dolts single-handedly destroy the profession.

Cheesy Actors (And Actresses): You Suck.