#2 Local Commercials

It never fails. No matter where I travel in this country (and I travel a lot), as soon as I plop down in my hotel room and turn on the TV, there it is...the local commercial. You can recognize it right away.

The worst is the local car dealer. Talk about a walking, talking cliche'. Just switch over to any local station and he's there...with his greasy hair, standing in front of a line of used cars, shouting at the camera. Sometimes he wears a costume. Sometimes he's riding a horse. But he's always there. And is it just me, or do they all buy hair creme at the same place? Is there a brand of hair gel just for used car salesmen?

And when the screaming cheeseball isn't enough, they start with the kids (usually pre-pubescent twins who monotonely drone on about how "their daddy is the best car dealer ever!") and the animals. I've seen dancing dogs, talking cats and yes, even a yodeling camel.
Probably the worst local commerical I've ever seen, is Eagle Man:

But car dealers and insurance companies aren't the only ones. Here's a commercial for a local furniture store that's just awful:

That's 30 seconds of my life I'll never get back.

Lets be honest. Yeah, maybe they help make the name of the business memorable. But do you really want to do business with grown men who ride carpet rolls and lay eggs on cars?

I used to work in television. And it doesn't matter how much you tell the client that he shouldn't be in his own commercial...these guys insist on it! I don't know if its ego or the fact that they're just too cheap to fork over money for a quality spot. Probably both.

Local television commercials...You Suck.

#1 Teen Superstars

I think there are fewer things in this world more nauseating than a teenager who has become a pop icon for no other reason than mommy and daddy had money or influence. Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears (though she's not a teen anymore) are a couple of good examples.

Our media-soaked children suck up the drivel that these teen pop stars ooze out like it's a free-flowing AirHeads candy dispenser.

Let's be honest...Britney Spears' first project came out and she was all cute and adorable. Then the record label found out that boys were buying it because they thought she was, dare I say, "sexy." Then off came the clothes...all of the sudden you couldn't find the wholesome apple pie faced girl anymore. It was cleavage-bearing blouses and short skirts. And it's only gone downhill from there. Now, she couldn't sell an air conditioner to a desert rat without a picture of her half naked on it.


And Miley Cyrus...are you serious?
Her dad was the Achy Breaky cheeseball of country pop that we all laughed at--and some line-danced to. Who allowed him to procreate? So now he's parading his daughter ala Hannah Montana on stage for an entire generation of simpletons who couldn't care less that she can't sing to save her life. Did you see her on Idol Gives Back? Does the kid even know how to sing?

This weekend, as my son was watching Saturday morning cartoons, I was also bombarded with the pathetically predictable Naked Brothers Band of tweens as they slopped their way through the "I Don't Want to Go to School" anthem. Geez...who could've predicted that jingle from a 12 year old?

It doesn't take much to market to children. Flash it up, give it a predictably hooky song and you've got 'em. But record labels have never feared stooping for the lowest common denominator. (And our music industry wonders why it's dying a slow and miserable death.)

Teen superstars (and those who "create" them) You Suck.