#35: Tena Adult Diaper Commercial

It's dinner time. My wife has made a lovely meatloaf. We sit at the dinner table, leaving the television on so we can listen to NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams. We chat about how our day went between bites. Then, suddenly, our delicious dinner is interrupted by this commercial. I hate this commercial!

I know I've done a lot about commercials on this blog, but I just had to add this one to my list of things that suck. This is a commercial for an adult diaper. And the thing that's just disgusting about it is that this lady is just sitting in a car, wetting herself...and smiling. C'mon! Take a look:

Let's be honest: Incontinence is no laughing matter. There are 13 million people in our country who deal with it. I pray to God that I'll never have to wear one of those diapers! But my question is this: Do we really need this commercial? I mean, people who need these diapers--aren't they going to find 'em without the help of a commercial? I mean, if ya gotta go...you're gonna find the diaper! Right? And who's the genius who decides to place this commercial at dinnertime? Can't we spare ourselves of these commercials, please?

Tena Adult Diaper Commercial: You Suck!

#19: Banner Ads on TV

So I'm watching one of my favorite TV shows the other night, when all of the sudden this image of a ball of fire bursts into the bottom right corner. Then, through the fire comes barrelling a sports car, spinning out and cutting donuts across the bottom third of the screen.

"What the...?"

Then up pops the text telling me that this is a promo for some movie that's coming up next. Are you kidding me? I already have to deal with commercial breaks when I watch my program, but now I have to deal with commercials IN the program? C'mon! These things are terribly distracting. By the time the stupid explosions and spinouts were done, I realized I missed what the actors were saying.

"What? What did I miss? What did he say?" UGH!

Let's be honest: I know advertising is how the networks make their money. And it's only a matter of time before we see these banner ads promoting products and not just other programs. Imagine, you're watching the season finale of LOST, when all of the sudden jungle leaves show up on the bottom of the screen...and they start to spread apart to show the new 4-door Jeep Wrangler tearing it up across the grassy hillsides. The text reads: "Jack could get across the island a lot quicker with a new Jeep Wrangler Unlimited" Starting at $21,600. As shown: $31,250. Ha! (Maybe I should go into advertising, no?)
Seriously...Commercial breaks are already ridiculously long. We don't need the added distractions to our shows. Take 'em away!

Banner Ads on TV: You Suck.

#13 Long Commercial Breaks

So I'm watching American Idol the other night and Ryan Seacrest does one of his pathetic attempts at trying to seem sly when he tosses to the commercial break.

"Syesha. America voted...and you are...gonna find out

what they said...after the break!"

Gag. Then I sit through a commercial...and another...and another...and another. Oh for crying loud, how many commercials are there? 5 minutes. That's right. A 5 minute commercial break!

Then, on Thursday night I was watching one of my other favorite shows, Lost. Man, as if this show doesn't move slow enough...another 5 minute commercial break!

Remember when Chuck Woolery would toss to commercial break during Love Connection?

"We'll be back in two...and two."

Referring to the 2 minute commercial break...and the second that it takes to transition into the break and the second it takes to transition out of the break. Two minutes...two seconds. THAT'S an acceptable commercial break.

Let's be honest: I know these networks have bills to pay. And I fully expect a commercial break during my programming. It's a good time to go to the bathroom, fetch a beer...whatever. But now it's also enough time to re-tile the bathroom, polish off a six-pack, burp and then use the re-tiled bathroom! It's getting ridiculous.

Thank God I have a DVR now. Talk about something that doesn't suck! I don't know how I survived before it! Now I can zip through 5 minute commercial breaks in less than 20 seconds. So I rarely watch a show as it's airing these days. I record...and watch later.

Thank you DVR!

Long Commercial Breaks: You Suck!

#2 Local Commercials

It never fails. No matter where I travel in this country (and I travel a lot), as soon as I plop down in my hotel room and turn on the TV, there it is...the local commercial. You can recognize it right away.

The worst is the local car dealer. Talk about a walking, talking cliche'. Just switch over to any local station and he's there...with his greasy hair, standing in front of a line of used cars, shouting at the camera. Sometimes he wears a costume. Sometimes he's riding a horse. But he's always there. And is it just me, or do they all buy hair creme at the same place? Is there a brand of hair gel just for used car salesmen?

And when the screaming cheeseball isn't enough, they start with the kids (usually pre-pubescent twins who monotonely drone on about how "their daddy is the best car dealer ever!") and the animals. I've seen dancing dogs, talking cats and yes, even a yodeling camel.
Probably the worst local commerical I've ever seen, is Eagle Man:

But car dealers and insurance companies aren't the only ones. Here's a commercial for a local furniture store that's just awful:

That's 30 seconds of my life I'll never get back.

Lets be honest. Yeah, maybe they help make the name of the business memorable. But do you really want to do business with grown men who ride carpet rolls and lay eggs on cars?

I used to work in television. And it doesn't matter how much you tell the client that he shouldn't be in his own commercial...these guys insist on it! I don't know if its ego or the fact that they're just too cheap to fork over money for a quality spot. Probably both.

Local television commercials...You Suck.