Top 10 Things That Sucked in 2008

Oh, what a sucky year! 2008 was filled with crap, disappointment and frustration. From music to fashion, television, movies, sports and the economy, it just wasn't a good year.

Let's take a look, shall we, at the top ten reasons 2008 sucked:

10. Miley Cyrus. I mean, seriously? What's worse than the Achy Breaky Cheeseball Billy Ray Cyrus singing on stage? Answer: His daughter. Not cute. Not even a decent vocalist. Predictable, if not boring songs.

And the television show? You've gotta be kidding me! I stumbled upon one episode a few weeks ago. What a train wreck. If I wanted to assemble a cast for the worst television sitcom ever, I'd probably pick Dolly Parton, Vicki Lawrence, Billy Ray Cyrus and his daughter, Miley. Oh wait...been done. Yech!

9. The Peasant Blouse. Quick, tell me...is this woman pregnant? Cuz I can't tell! I mean, seriously! The "peasant blouse" was hugely popular in 2008. Women love 'em. But as a guy, I gotta tell ya, they are NOT flattering.

They seriously look like maternity wear. Now, don't get me wrong, I think most pregnant women look cute, but if you're not pregnant, why would you want to look like you are?

In my opinion, this is one fashion trend that sucked in 2008. Leggings and the "empire waist" tops are right behind 'em.

8. TV Writer's Strike. When the economy is bad, we need entertainment to take our minds off our woes. But oh no! Hollywood writers decided to add insult to injury by going on strike. Sure, this was a carry-over from 2007, but it had a huge impact on television programming in 2008. So, at a time when the country needs an escape, instead we get crappy reality shows and re-runs. Programs like 24, Pushing Daisies, Heroes, Lost, etc...suffer.

7. Sucky Movies: I could make a whole separate list just for the bad movies that came out this year, but I'll stick to the ones I saw. Unfortunately, I saw quite a few bad movies in 2008:

You Don't Mess With the Zohan. Decent idea. Terrible execution. . The accents--wretched. John Turturro should be ashamed of himself. (Not that he's a fabulous actor, but even this was beneath him.) Thankfully, I waited til this movie came out on DVD to see it. I would've demanded my money back had I paid theatre ticket prices.

There were 3 funny scenes in the whole entire movie. Yeah, you know them...the same 3 scenes they showed in the trailer. That's it.

The rest was crap.

Hellboy II. When you're married with kids, you don't get to go to the movies as much as you used to. So, you have to make the most out of "date night." Unfortunately, my wife and I wasted a date night on Hellboy II.

15 minutes into it, I leaned over to my wife in the theatre and whispered, "If the acting is going to be this bad throughout the whole movie, we're leaving." But, being the miser that I am with my money, I stayed. "I paid $25 for tickets, popcorn and soft drinks, darnit! I'm gonna get my money's worth!" Sadly, I did not get my money's worth.

Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. What a disappointment. Alien ending? Puhleez! And the cast--ugh! Karen Allen? If I NEVER see her in another movie again it will still be too soon. Shia LaBeouf? Yech!

Cheesy story.

Cheesy acting.

Lame special effects.

Harrison Ford was just a bit too slow. And the script didn't help. This movie was an all-around disaster. And, in my opinion, "dumbed down" the entire Indiana Jones series.

6. Sucky Sports. There are a few really sucky ones that come to mind. First, the NY Giants beating the NE Patriots in the SuperBowl. Ugh. I don't believe there is a human being on this planet who hates the Giants more than I do.

And Eli Manning...are you kidding me? I'm still convinced we're going to find out he's actually a 14-year old girl. He just doesn't look like he hit puberty yet. Look at that picture to the left. Does that not look like how your sister would throw a football? I am absolutely convinced the Patriots threw the game to thwart off any more investigations into their cheating via videotape. The Giants suck.

The other sucky sports moments came in the Olympics. One, was the obvious cheating by the Chinese by employing underage girls to compete. Yes, it's impressive that a 14-year old can compete on that scale. Kudos to her for that. But they cheated. They know it. You know it. We all know it.

The other sucky sports moment of the Olympics...when women's hurdler Lolo Jones tripped and fell during her race. She was winning. She was an Olympic darling, with a wonderful story. A win in the Olympics would be like a great made-for-tv movie. Instead, she fell. Absolute heartbreak. The pain in her face. The anguish. That sucked.

5. The Election: Elections always suck. The mudslinging, the name-calling. The lies. And oh, for crying out loud, the commercials! Yech! And this year, candidates raised more money than ever and bought more advertising than ever. Enough already! I'm so glad that I don't have to watch one more campaign ad for a while. Thankfully, Tina Fey and Saturday Night Live made Sarah Palin (and all of the election, for that matter) at least worth a good chuckle. I'm glad we don't go through a major election every year.

4. Global Food Crisis. As the economy tanked, we all felt the burden. But whereas we have to cut back, others starve. The global food crisis was/is VERY real...and put millions of people into threat of starvation. Food prices and other basic staples were out of reach for the 1.2 billion people living on less than $1 a day. Thankfully, it opened the eyes of many generous people, who decided to donate, even as their own families were having to cut back. But this is a problem we've got to fix. We've got to find a way to level the playing field so people aren't starving in this world. It's the 21st century, for crying out loud. People shouldn't starve.

3. Gas Prices. Gas prices are gonna go over $3/gallon. No wait...$4....no wait...$5! Holy cow! At one point, it cost me $62 to fill up my Jeep Wrangler. And since it only gets 14 miles per gallon, I spent a LOT of money on gas this summer.

Here's what really ticks me off: All of the sudden, gas drops to $1.50 again. What the heck just happened? Ask the experts--they don't even know! I actually heard one analyst on CNN say, "No one knows. We have no idea why gas is cheaper again." I do. It's called greed my friends...greed. Somebody got really rich this summer and it wasn't me.

2. The Housing Market. With a second baby on the way, my wife and I decided we needed to find a larger home. Our little house is startng to feel pretty cramped. Then the bubble burst. We couldn't have timed it worse.

If I had sold the house two years ago, I would've gotten $28,000 more than I can today. $28,000! That's a LOT of money...and THAT SUCKS! Needless to say, we've decided to ride out the storm a little longer...we'll just be bumping into each other a lot more.

1. The Stock Market. C'mon, this is a no-brainer! Almost everyone felt the hurt this year. Obviously, this was directly tied to other items mentioned on this list too (the housing market, the election, gas prices, etc.) If you retired in 2007 and relied on your stock to get along, you may have ended up going back to work in 2008. That is, if you could find a job. What a tough year. Thankfully, wise investors know that you have to ride out the tough times. But if you really needed your stock to do well in 2008, chances are you're hurtin' big time!

So there you have it. 2008 was not really a very good year.

2008: You Suck!

#40: Pet Hair

"Let's get a puppy!"

Awww...little puppy breath...little puppy kisses. A playful little pup that wants to sit in your lap and take naps with you. Awwwww...

Whatever.

Yeah, it's cute til little puppy grows up. And starts shedding. And shedding. And shedding. And then decides to destroy your remote controls, eat furniture and shred your sofa. But I digress.

I hate pet hair. It's on my furniture. It clogs up the vacuum cleaner...but somehow still manages to cling to the carpet. It's on my clothes. I have to keep a lint roller in my desk at work...one in my car...and two or three in the house.

Pet hair is magical. And not in a good way. I'm serious. I opened a can of tuna the other day. I swear one of my dog's hairs was already in there! It's frickin' everywhere! Yech!

Let's be honest: Pets can be wonderful. They can be great companions...and bring much joy. But, as is with most good things, there's always a downside. And this downside permeates, clings, coats and sticks to everything. Now, if you could package pet hair and sell it, that would be nice. I'd be frickin' rich! Too bad that hairless dogs look way too freaky.

Screw it. I'm gettin' a goldfish.

Pet Hair: You Suck!

#39: Political Advertising

Ugh.
I probably don't have to write much about this one. You probably already get it. It's bad enough that we have to endure McCain calling Obama this...and Obama calling McCain that. But then you have your state candidates who add to the mix. And, what's worse, the terrible local, low-budget political ads.

Enough already!

You can't watch a single program...on any channel...without being bombarded with this crap.
Some are worthless. Some are just plain mudslinging. At least some are funny:



Let's be honest: Yeah, television advertising is a powerful medium. And yes, most voters are so stupid they'll believe anything you tell them on TV. "Obama's gonna raise your taxes!", "McCain is a George Bush clone!" I get it. I get that you have to attack the airwaves with ads to keep your name, agenda out front. But geez...have we pushed the limit this election or what?

Political Ads: You Suck!

I'm Hoover Maneuver and I approve this message.

#38: Smoking Restaurants

So, I was in Michigan this past week for a work-related project and went out to eat a couple of times while I was there.

Man, have I been spoiled in Colorado. I had forgotten how disgusting it is to go out to eat and be inundated with the stench of cigarette smoke. I had forgotten how it penetrates your clothes, your hair...and yes, even your food. Doesn't matter that the restaurants have a "non-smoking section." No one told that to the smoke. It wanders whereever it pleases. And, as it used to be in Colorado before we passed the smoke-free legislation, restaurants typically have the non-smoking section just a few feet away from the smoking section anyway. Why bother?

Let's be honest: You have a right to smoke. I have a right to clean air. At some point, our rights are going to conflict. And when they do, they should always lean in the direction of protection. As in protecting me from the hazardous filth that you're pouring out into the atmosphere.

I don't care what filth you put into your body. That's your decision. But it's also my decision what filth I put into MY body. And I shouldn't have to endure your cigarette smoke just because I want to go out to eat.

Michigan...get on the ball. It's time we stopped smoking in public places in every state.

Side Note: What's funny is how smokers think they can hide the stench with gum, perfume, whatever. You can't. Non-smokers can tell if you smoke within seconds of meeting you. I don't care if you haven't had a cigarette in hours. It's on you like skunk odor. And, I'm sure I'll offend some people by saying this, but girls who think they look sexy with a cigarette...yech! I've met women who have no idea how smoking is changing their faces. The wrinkles around the lips. The yellow teeth. The dark circles under the eyes. The crow's feet. The pronounced nasal labial folds. Absolute and total turn-off. Just my .02

Restaurants with "Smoking Sections": You Suck!

#37: Tony Kornheiser

Up until now, I've not singled out any one person whom I think sucks. But today, one man seriously deserves the honor.

Tony Kornheiser, the "I don't know jack about football but I still get to be an announcer for Monday Night Football" guy on ESPN. When he's not offending hispanics, or trying desperately to earn brownie points by taking the obvious jabs against unpopular players, he's just trying too darn hard to be funny. And...he's not. Seriously not.

Kornheiser is just another in a list of failed attempts to bring humor to football. NBC tried to make Dennis Miller work on Monday Nights...and that was atrocious. Don't get me wrong, I love Dennis Miller's comedy. But I don't watch football so I can hear high-brow jokes with 5 syllable words while I'm drinking beer and eating hot wings. Miller and football...just didn't work.

At least Miller is funny. Kornheiser, on the other hand, is not. Far too often, he goes for the low-road...the obvious punchline. I'm told he's a well respected columnist. I don't know. I've never read his stuff. But judging from his horrible on-camera presence, his lack of off-the-cuff wit and his obvious and painful lack of knowledge of football, my guess is that being a newspaper columnist is probably where he belongs.

Let's be honest: I don't know a single football fan who ever said, "You know what's missing during the football game? Comedy." And there's a reason for that. Serious football fans take their games VERY seriously. Trust me on that one. I'm a Cowboys fan. When they lose, it affects my life. I'm not joking about that. I can get physically ill during a game. I don't want some schmuck rapping off one-liners to make me laugh. If I had a nickel for everytime I yelled "Shut up, Kornheiser!" during a game, I'd be a rich man. C'mon, ESPN...do us all a favor. Get rid of Kornheiser and let's focus on football.

Tony Kornheiser: You Suck.

#36: Political Polls

Monday morning headline:

McCAIN LEADS OBAMA IN NEW POLL

By Monday afternoon:

POLL SHOWS OBAMA, MCCAIN IN DEAD HEAT

Come on. Seriously?

Let's be honest: Polls mean squat. They are filler...fodder to fill the airwaves when the media feels like they've got nothing else to say. (And let's be honest, do they ever really have anything to say?)

Think about this:

There are nearly 220 million people of voting age in this country. Of those eligible, only around 150 million actually register to vote. Think about that number for a second:

150,000,000 people registered to vote

And we're supposed to believe that the media knows who's winning the race by interviewing 3,000 of them? That's .0002 percent. Less than two millionths of a percent of the voters are questioned by these polls. And we're supposed to believe they really know who's in the lead?

During election season we are inundated with political ads, political pundits, debates, interviews, articles, blah blah blah. Can we just do away with the worthless polls? Can we just take one thing off that ridiculously long list of political crap we have to endure during this time of year?

Please?

Political Polls: You Suck

#35: Tena Adult Diaper Commercial

It's dinner time. My wife has made a lovely meatloaf. We sit at the dinner table, leaving the television on so we can listen to NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams. We chat about how our day went between bites. Then, suddenly, our delicious dinner is interrupted by this commercial. I hate this commercial!

I know I've done a lot about commercials on this blog, but I just had to add this one to my list of things that suck. This is a commercial for an adult diaper. And the thing that's just disgusting about it is that this lady is just sitting in a car, wetting herself...and smiling. C'mon! Take a look:

Let's be honest: Incontinence is no laughing matter. There are 13 million people in our country who deal with it. I pray to God that I'll never have to wear one of those diapers! But my question is this: Do we really need this commercial? I mean, people who need these diapers--aren't they going to find 'em without the help of a commercial? I mean, if ya gotta go...you're gonna find the diaper! Right? And who's the genius who decides to place this commercial at dinnertime? Can't we spare ourselves of these commercials, please?

Tena Adult Diaper Commercial: You Suck!