Thursday, September 18, 2008

#37: Tony Kornheiser

Up until now, I've not singled out any one person whom I think sucks. But today, one man seriously deserves the honor.

Tony Kornheiser, the "I don't know jack about football but I still get to be an announcer for Monday Night Football" guy on ESPN. When he's not offending hispanics, or trying desperately to earn brownie points by taking the obvious jabs against unpopular players, he's just trying too darn hard to be funny. And...he's not. Seriously not.

Kornheiser is just another in a list of failed attempts to bring humor to football. NBC tried to make Dennis Miller work on Monday Nights...and that was atrocious. Don't get me wrong, I love Dennis Miller's comedy. But I don't watch football so I can hear high-brow jokes with 5 syllable words while I'm drinking beer and eating hot wings. Miller and football...just didn't work.

At least Miller is funny. Kornheiser, on the other hand, is not. Far too often, he goes for the low-road...the obvious punchline. I'm told he's a well respected columnist. I don't know. I've never read his stuff. But judging from his horrible on-camera presence, his lack of off-the-cuff wit and his obvious and painful lack of knowledge of football, my guess is that being a newspaper columnist is probably where he belongs.

Let's be honest: I don't know a single football fan who ever said, "You know what's missing during the football game? Comedy." And there's a reason for that. Serious football fans take their games VERY seriously. Trust me on that one. I'm a Cowboys fan. When they lose, it affects my life. I'm not joking about that. I can get physically ill during a game. I don't want some schmuck rapping off one-liners to make me laugh. If I had a nickel for everytime I yelled "Shut up, Kornheiser!" during a game, I'd be a rich man. C'mon, us all a favor. Get rid of Kornheiser and let's focus on football.

Tony Kornheiser: You Suck.

Monday, September 8, 2008

#36: Political Polls

Monday morning headline:


By Monday afternoon:


Come on. Seriously?

Let's be honest:
Polls mean squat. They are filler...fodder to fill the airwaves when the media feels like they've got nothing else to say. (And let's be honest, do they ever really have anything to say?)

Think about this:
There are nearly 220 million people of voting age in this country. Of those eligible, only around 150 million actually register to vote. Think about that number for a second:

150,000,000 people registered to vote

And we're supposed to believe that the media knows who's winning the race by interviewing 3,000 of them? That's .0002 percent. Less than two millionths of a percent of the voters are questioned by these polls. And we're supposed to believe they really know who's in the lead?

During election season we are inundated with political ads, political pundits, debates, interviews, articles, blah blah blah. Can we just do away with the worthless polls? Can we just take one thing off that ridiculously long list of political crap we have to endure during this time of year?


Political Polls: You Suck

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

#35: Tena Adult Diaper Commercial

It's dinner time. My wife has made a lovely meatloaf. We sit at the dinner table, leaving the television on so we can listen to NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams. We chat about how our day went between bites. Then, suddenly, our delicious dinner is interrupted by this commercial. I hate this commercial!

I know I've done a lot about commercials on this blog, but I just had to add this one to my list of things that suck. This is a commercial for an adult diaper. And the thing that's just disgusting about it is that this lady is just sitting in a car, wetting herself...and smiling. C'mon! Take a look:

Let's be honest: Incontinence is no laughing matter. There are 13 million people in our country who deal with it. I pray to God that I'll never have to wear one of those diapers! But my question is this: Do we really need this commercial? I mean, people who need these diapers--aren't they going to find 'em without the help of a commercial? I mean, if ya gotta're gonna find the diaper! Right? And who's the genius who decides to place this commercial at dinnertime? Can't we spare ourselves of these commercials, please?

Tena Adult Diaper Commercial: You Suck!