Thursday, April 24, 2008

#9 Showing Off Your Underwear In Public

Take a look at the picture to the left. Is there anything sexy about that? Honestly..tell me...cuz I don't see it.

What's the deal with people wanting to show us their underwear all the time? Are there really people who make a conscious decision to get dressed, spin around in front of the mirror and say, "Hmmm...I'm just not showing enough of my underwear?"

Some people call it a whale tail. I can only assume it's because it looks like a whale's tail sticking up out of the water. If I were a girl, I wouldn't want anyone looking at my butt and saying the word "whale." (But that's just me.)

Look, when I'm out in public, I really don't want to see your underwear. I don't care how lacy, frilly or sexy you think they are...keep 'em to yourselves.

Remember when we all used to joke about "plummer pants" and how disgusting and gross it was to see a man's butt crack when he bent over?

So, is it disgusting only when it's a big, hairy man butt? But sexy when it's a girl? I don't think so. I don't think it matters how nice your butt is. Butt crack is not for public consumption.

Don't get me wrong...I like a nice butt. But I don't necessarily want to be looking at a butt crack at the grocery store when you go digging through dairy section trying to find the best "use by" date on the milk jugs.

And it's not just girls who are doing it today. I was at a Chipotle restaurant recently, eating lunch with my wife. These two young boys came in and one of them had his jeans pulled so far down, it was almost pornography. I'm serious...just like the kid in the picture above. Only the boy in Chipotle was wearing boxer briefs. (Fruit of the Loom as a matter of fact.) I totally expected to find out we were on a hidden camera was just that silly.

All of the sudden, this lady gets up from her table, leaving her chicken burrito for a moment, walks up behind the boy while he was filling his drink cup...grabs his pants by the belt loops and pulls them up back over his butt. The kid, who must've been 13 if he was a day, looked horrified.

"Nobody wants to see your skinny little butt while they're eating!" The woman snapped at him. The boy sheepishly went back to his table and finished his lunch. I felt like applauding...but I figured the boy had suffered enough embarassment.

Let's be honest. There's a reason they call it UNDERwear. It's supposed to be UNDER your clothes. As in, out of sight. If I had a teenage daughter and she was prouncing around showing off her underwear where every man could see it, her wardrobe would be changed to one-piece jumpsuits faster than she can sing "tho-tho-tho-tho-thong!"

Have a little dignity.

People who show off your underwear in public: You Suck.


Monique said...

"If I were a girl, I wouldn't want anyone looking at my butt and saying the word "whale." "

That's for sure...

Know what else sucks ?

Going w/ your husband to his vasectomy, and then hours later not being able to get the sound out of your head of the doctor snipping "the vas" as he called it.

It was thick and made a distinct "snip" sound that you can damn near visualize.. Ugh, it is driving me bonkers.

Hoover Maneuver said...

Oh Monique!

That sounds horrible! I'm so sorry...for both of ya!

Dang. Now I hear it!

Monique said...

I'm sorry, it is a pleasant thing to have looped in your brain...

But --- ya gotta admit, it does suck !

Monique said...

oops, is NOT a pleasant thing ............................ obviously